Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize