Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize
