HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
