let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Mom said you looked used
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
