This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
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why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I need moral support for this bender
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
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