I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
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