Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
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