The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
