More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
