Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
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