It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
