I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
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