just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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