you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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