Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
