I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize
