So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
its not stalking. its research.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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