Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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