I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
