things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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