I am in a vortex of obligation.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
