I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
