The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
It's just like the Real World with babies
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
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My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Randomize