Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
