He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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