why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Randomize
