Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I wish they made helmets for livers.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
