Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
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