i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
