scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
