She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
that may or may not have been my penis.
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