I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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