You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Randomize
