Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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