It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
