Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize