he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
