okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
