oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
