At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
