somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
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