Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
