I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Randomize
