the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
the room spins SO much faster in panama
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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