So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
