you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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