We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize