Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
