why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Randomize
