i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
