There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
