i just wanna soil my oats bro
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
