Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
