When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
