You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
