i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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