I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
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