I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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