I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
