All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I queefed so loud it echoed.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
