dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
