I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
