Only a mothe r could love this liver
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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