Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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