The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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