Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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