there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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