last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
