Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
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