I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
