Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
