My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
