yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
