When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
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