We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I need a beard to bite.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
