somebody snuck up and got me drunk
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
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It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
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I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
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