I CAN MOONWALK!
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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