Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
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