Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
