Plan B is the new Plan A
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
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