It's Friday. Sex?
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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