JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
